


Hingabe

by badpearl



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Cheating, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, F/F, Human AU, Infidelity, Past Abuse, Self Harm, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, lol im sorry, repeating words, the self harm is kinda graphic ?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2018-03-22 20:31:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3742615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badpearl/pseuds/badpearl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pearl deals with the trauma of her childhood abuse and Rose's abandonment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a human au for Steven Universe. As for what they look like, Pearl is Chinese and Rose is however you would like to interpret her!

Pearl covered her hears, trying with all her might to block out the shrill screaming of her mothers voice. Her small heart pounded in the 7 year old ears, beating beating beating as if it were going to explode from her chest.

Something smashed into the wall next to the chair she hid behind, causing her to jump and let out a startled squeak. Her eyes, red watery from the large tears that fell from her cheeks, stared at the spot where the vase had hit. She looked down at the floor where the bits and pieces of pottery lay shattered on the floor.

“I’ll have to clean that later she thought,” she thought. “before someone gets a shard stuck in their foot.”

The screaming started up again, but this time her mother’s vicious tone was joined by the deep hostility of her fathers. His voice boomed in her ears, and she covered her face and tried her hardest to be as small as possible. She prayed that she would disappear or melt into the rough carpet that scratched at her bare feet.  
They both screamed until Pearl heard something that made her stomach drop. 

“What are you doi-“her mom started, cut off suddenly. Pearl stole herself, and with all the courage she could muster, looked out from her hiding spot. From there, she saw her mother and father facing each other. His hands wrapped around her neck. Pearl felt anger flair up in her stomach but couldn’t move. The world seemed to stand still as she watched her caretakers in front of her. She wanted to move move move, but her brain screamed at her to stay put, stay safe stay safe stay safe.

After what felt like forever, it stopped. Whether her mom had gotten the upper hand or her father had come to his senses, she wasn’t sure.

GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT

And with a slam of the front door and her mother running to the bedroom to cry, Pearl was left alone. The walls of their residence (it never really felt like home) loomed around her, threatening to suffocate her short, scared breath. The family photos of them happy and grinning seemed to taunt her.

Eventually she stood on shaky legs and made her way over to the broken vase, collecting the larger pieces of clay in her numb hands. She wasn’t sure what to do with the smaller bits, her brain and heart aching. She just wanted to crawl under her sheets and hide from the world. 

She paced over to the garbage can that sat in the kitchen and disposed of the trash, a tired sigh coming from her mouth. As she turned around to go to her room, she bumped into something. Looking up, her eyes widened and she let out a horrific scream, falling onto her back.

 

A humanoid figure loomed over her, and with a jolt she realized that it was her mother. However her –its?- face was distorted, black in the middle with a long snout that had sharp teeth poking out from its lips. Its blank, white eyes bore into her as it grasped her leg, it mere touch causing a blinding white hot pain to erupt in her limb.  
She felt its elongated place themselves on her stomach, sharp and painful, before for it ripped through her skin.  
Pearl could only scream in pain and fear as the devoured her alive, her throat aching-

-

Pearl jumped awake, her scream dying on her dry lips. She felt sweat drip down her face, her ragged pants filling the otherwise silent room of her apartment. Her hand went to her forehead to keep the sweat from falling into her eyes, and surveyed her room. It was sparse of course, she had moved in just last week. She had been living in a hotel for the past few months so didn’t have any furniture. Well no furniture except for what her girlfriend Rose had given to her.

A smile grew on her lips as she thought of her loving girlfriend. She reached over the side of the mattress to pick up her phone from where it lay beside her bed. She squinted and gave an annoyed grunt as the light from her screen shot into her face. It was 5 in the morning, so Rose wouldn’t be up for another hour.

Sighing, Pearl set the phone down and stretched, her back giving off a satisfying ‘pop’. Yawning, she threw her long legs over the side of her bed and made her way over to her small bathroom to prepare for the day. Perhaps the daily tasks would help her forget her nightmare…  
-  
Bright sunlight streamed through the window, sending soft spots of light to decorate the soft carpet. Pearl released a contended sigh, her hand going up to play with her earrings. It was a longtime habit, and she often didn't that she was doing it.

The sound of the door opening caught her attention, and she turned towards the sound with a grin. Rose stepped gracefully in, carefully carrying two cups of warm tea in her hands. 

Rose smiled down at her and handed Pearl a cup, the smaller girl uttering a pleased ‘thank you.’ before sipping the soothing beverage. Rose slid onto the couch next to her, Pearl automatically leaning into her warmth. Even though both were sitting, Rose still managed to be taller than Pearl.

“So, how was your day?” Pearl questioned, peering up at her girlfriends warm brown eyes.

“Not too bad!” Rose started, her smooth voice filling Pearls head. “Helped a few kids get jobs, or at least helped them get started.”

“Any interesting jobs?” Pearl murmured, her eyes beginning to droop.

“I suppose.” Rose responded, sipping her tea thoughtfully. “Oh, by the way! There’s a concert down by the beach this weekend. Would you like to accompany me to it?” 

“What kind of concert?” Pearl asked, setting her mug down on a side table. 

“It’s a rock concert I believe. A man named Universe will be singing.” Pearl wrinkled her nose at Rose’s response.

“I think I’d rather not,” Pearl started, “It will most likely be very loud, and I don’t think my head could handle it. Sorry…” Rose turned, a comforting smile on her face.

“No worries. I’ll probably head down though, it sounds fairly interesting. Pearl let out a small ‘mhm’ as she buried her head into Roses soft hair. The pink haired let out a small chuckle before swooping Pearl into her arms. Pearls eyes flew open at the unexpected movement, her slender hands holding onto Roses shoulder.

Quietly, Rose mad her way over to the bed, her smaller girlfriend in her strong arms. Pearl was gently set down, resting patiently as she waited for Rose to slay next to her. Rose took Pearl into her arms, and Pearl let out a contented sigh as she rested her head on Roses chest.

Rose ran her fingers through her partner’s hair, humming softly. “Goodnight, my Pearl…”  
-  
Pearl felt like something inside of her had died. Her heart ached as though someone had been beating on it. Hot tears rolled down her face as she stared at the person that she had loves. Had trusted.  
The person in question was her now ex-girlfriend. Rose looked like a kicked puppy, her brown eyes- once so full of love in adoration- stared emotionlessly at a spot just behind Pearls face.

“W-what do you mean?” Pearl asked, her voice wavering.

“What I told you.” Rose responded. Her eyes moved to look at the floor, “I started hanging out with Greg and… well I. I want to be with him.” Pearl felt like she had been slapped in the face. 

“Wait! What if… what if you went out with both of us?” Pearl pleaded. “I’ve heard of other couples doing it maybe we… maybe we could…” Her voice trailed off as she saw the pitying look on Rose’s face.

“I’m sorry Pearl. But… it couldn’t work.” The tears started again, and Pearls eyes burned. 

“Why not?” Pearl asked, her voice cracking. “Please Rose… don’t leave.” Please don’t leave me alone, not again not again. The woman inhaled and shook her head, turning to leave.

In a last ditch effort, Pearl reached out to grab Roses arm. Her grip was tighter than she had meant for it to be, but she attempted to yank Rose towards her anyway. She felt a heavy shove on her chest, and landed painfully on her rump. She looked up at Rose fearfully, afraid that she would be hit. Instead she saw a wide eyed Rose looking down at her, a surprised look on her face. Pearls eyes trailed down to where Roses arms had formed a protective barrier over her stomach.

It took a second for it to settle in.

“Wait- are you… are you pregnant?” her voice was barely louder than a whisper, but Rose flinched as if she had screamed at her.

“I’m sorry Pearl.” And with that she disappeared, closing the apartment door behind.

Pearl was rooted to the spot on the floor where she had fallen, her mouth hanging open. She remained there for a minute, too upset to move. A loud sob broke the silence shattered the stillness as Pearl curled into a ball, screaming into her knees. All she could do was cry as the room grew darker with the night progressing.

In time, her sobs subsided and she was left hiccuping into her limbs. She shrugged her jacket off of her shoulders, using the light from the streetlamp to look at the pale scars that lined her arms. Sometime between midnight and one in the morning, she dragged herself into the bathroom, immediately going for the cabinets. She rummaged through the bin, pulling out a box cutter. She placed the blade on the counter before going over the tub to turn the water on. Making sure the water was at the right temperature she turned and began undressing. 

Once she finished, she picked up the box cutter and slid into the warms water. She stared calmly into the clear liquid before sliding out the blade, holding it above the pale flesh on her arms. Suddenly, her hand zigzagged across her arm leaving deep gashes that oozed blood. 

The blood mesmerized her, she watched it roll down her skin and drop into the water below. She did a few more cuts before letting the blade fall to the floor and resting her head on the wall behind her. She let the painful overtake her mind as she debated on whether or not she should pick the blade up and just slit her throat.

She sighed and stood up, grabbing a towel as she gathered some medical supplies. After cleaning up her wounds, she put on some clean night clothes and changed the sheets on her bed. She rolled into bed then pulled the sheet up to her chin, allowing the soothing smell of clean sheets soothe her to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Amethysts point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Note: I'm sorry this took so long guys :_: my computers been having trouble lately and I ended up repeatedly losing this chapter... Looks like I figured out the problem though, so once the part is replaced it won't take me so long! Thank you for all the kind words on the first chapter!)

Amethyst grumbled as she pulled the hood of her jacket over her head, shoving her unruly mane of bleached hair out if its way. It had been raining since she woke up and the temperature had been steadily dropping the past few days, and she was anxious to get to her friend's house. She had tried to call Pearl several before leaving her house, but the calls had gone straight to voice mail.

"Oh well," she thought. "She probably just worked late and had decided to sleep in. Or she was hanging out with Rose." Amethyst grinned at the thought of seeing Rose. The two had been dating since their first year of college and got along better than any couple she had met. Not that she had been witness to a lot stellar relationships, but that wasn't the point.

The short girl rounded the corner and quickened her pace as Pearl's apartment building came into view. She darted into the shelter and dried her ragged old boots on a nearby mat before heading up the stairs, taking them two at a time.

Her fist rapped on the aging green door, being careful to avoid the chipping wood, and waited. A few seconds passed. Then a minute. The girl frowned and knocked harder. Nothing. Amethyst felt her frown deepen before she realized that Pearl may not even be home. Sighing slightly in annoyance that she had come all this way, she proceeded to make her way back down the stairs and walked by the parking, casting a glance over towards the tenant's cars before stopping abruptly. She felt a sickening feeling as she recognized the old beat up car that sat a few feet from her belonged to her friend. Her mind immediately went to the worst possible outcomes.

The ballerina had always been fragile. Amethyst never got specifics on what exactly ailed her, she just figured it was a blood issue or brittle bones.

'What if Pearl had gotten hurt? What if she can't move?' The ideas pounded in her ears as she nearly tripped over the steps in her hast to get up to the apartment. She reached for the small décor rock that sat next to Pearls doors and turned it over, relieved to find the spare key. She shoved the key into the lock and pushed the door open, her body tensed and expecting to fight.

To her surprise, and relief, she didn't see anything wrong. The few pieces of furniture still sat in their same spots, boxes still stacked in Pearl's organized way. She tiptoed in, eyes darting around in search of her friend. Spotting Pearls phone on the kitchen counter, she zipped over to it. It looked like Pearl hadn't even checked it yet, as there were several notifications of missed calls from when Amethyst had called her. Placing the phone back onto the counter, Amethyst made her way to the bedroom and opened the door as quietly as she could.

Relief washed over her as she saw her friend's small frame curled up in the middle of her bed, wrapped in sheet and snoring softly. She closed the door and shook her head, pissed at herself for getting so worked up. Shrugging it off, she made her way over to the small kitchen, deciding to make some breakfast for the two of. The resident's kitchen was fairly bare, the fridge only holding a carton of eggs, a package of bacon, and a few drinks. The short girl made a mental note to do a grocery run so Pearl wouldn't starve. Hey, it could even be her housewarming gift.

She went throughout the kitchen, humming to herself as she cooked. It was a half hour before she finished, silently congratulating herself on not completely burning everything (ignoring the blackened bacon the sat at the bottom of the garbage bin.) She decided to wash up before getting Pearl, that way she could set the table while her friend went through her morning routine.


End file.
